As
I walked up the cold, hard steps leading into the cemetery, I could
feel tears flooding the wells of my eyes. It had been just one
year since that awful, gloomy day. Leah and I had been friends
for as long as I could remember. I still can’t think of a time she wasn’t
there for me.
I
met Leah at pre-school, and we became close friends. Once we started
elementary school, we walked to school together everyday, laughing
and chatting the whole way. We would have sleepovers, and stay up
late watching movies and eating popcorn. We talked about how we’d be friends forever and ever,
and we’d go to college together, and be the maid of honor at each other’s
wedding. We would talk about our dream jobs, and fight about which
one of us would be famous first, and who would make the most money.
And
we’d always laugh. No matter how bad something
was Leah could make it better. She would always cheer me up when I
was down, and she always seemed to have a beautiful glow surrounding
her.
Once junior
high started things changed. Leah began to miss more and more of school,
and I would have to hike the long walk alone with no one to laugh with.
As
time progressed I learned that Leah was suffering from leukemia.
At first I didn’t know what to think…I didn’t want to believe
it. It seemed so unfair. Why Leah? Why couldn’t it have been someone else?
Anyone else! I wouldn’t care whom, just as long as it wasn’t
Leah.
I
didn’t care how selfish I was being; all I really
wanted was to wake up and have everything how it was before. Those
long sleepovers, and walks through the woods. That was all gone now,
and all I could do was hope Leah would get better. But she only got
worse.
Soon,
I went to visit Leah in the hospital. She smiled and tried to look
strong as I walked into the room, though I could tell she was weak.
Even though Leah was now very sick, the same beautiful glow that
surrounded her before was still there. And during the time I was
there with her, she pointed out all the good, and wonderful things
that she could see, but I couldn’t. Leah seemed to be full
of happiness and good feelings. I asked Leah how she could feel so
joyful at a time like this.
I
said “Aren’t you scared?”
And
she simply replied “No.”
I
asked her how, how could she feel so happy, and she answered, “Because I’m living. I’m happy to be alive. To be able
to see the sun, and birds fly by my window. To be able to talk with you
right now. To see the trees filling with rich green leaves, and flowers
bursting with bright colors. I’m thankful for every moment that I have
to be alive. Instead of worrying and crying about the condition I am in,
I’m trying to enjoy as much of life as I can right now, for it
is a gift to still be living, and I cannot throw away the time that
I have. Every breath of life I am thankful for.”
Just
then my mom came in and told me it was getting late and we’d
better go. I told Leah good-bye and then left.
And
that was the last time I ever talked to Leah. The next day we got a
call from Leah’s parents saying that she had passed away earlier
that morning.
I
thought I would always have Leah. I never even thought that anything could
happen to her. The
pain that her death left hurt more than ever. I had never been alone, and
I was just starting to feel what it was like.
But
what Leah had said that day at the hospital stuck in my mind. Leah, who
had been very ill and was dying, was still able to see everything and appreciate
all the things she could see and feel. She was able to be so thankful even
though she knew she might not make it for much longer.
This
was the first time I had gotten the courage to visit Leah’s grave since the
funeral. I clutched the beautiful lilies, Leah’s favorite, in my trembling
hand as I stepped towards the grave. I had told myself I wasn’t going
to cry, but it was too late. Tears were streaming down my face. I kneeled
down and set the flowers by the grave, and in a shaky voice I whispered “thank
you.”